BAM And Then It Hits You Redux © 2013 For What It’s Worth – a literary blog
From the vault . . .
Dr. Natick Plaza, a self-professed expert on the blues, appears on Nick Loss-Eaton’s blues radio show Blueberry Muffins, and commences to ‘take it over’ and ‘sabotage’ it.
Including stream-of-consciousness riffs about supposed blues history, the roles of the sexes, Nick’s recent break-up with “his woman Jackie,” bodily functions, and 101 other uncouth and bizarre things. And featuring the music of BB King, the John Spencer Blues Explosion, the Rolling Stones, and other blues-inspired luminaries, with Dr. Plaza incorrigibly talking over much of it to Nick’s increasing frustration.
The show was not rehearsed and is completely ad-libbed; the emotions on Nick’s part are mostly real. After a little while, the show was flooded with calls (mostly positive), and it ended up being one of the most listened-to in the station’s history.
Dr. Natick Plaza – Side A
Dr. Natick Plaza – Side B
Apparently, I hold the Northeast record for the longest held Netflix movie: 2.5 years.
A 3.5 hour “potent drama that follows 14-year-old Hungarian Jew Gyuri Koves. After the Nazis take him into custody, Gyuri is moved from one death camp to another, witnessing increasingly greater atrocities that erode his spirit. When the camp is liberated, Gyuri returns home a survivor, but his neighbors— who want to forget WWII’s horrors— go out of their way to avoid him.”
The runner-up is a certain John P. Shales of Danbury, NH, who has held onto “The Hottie and the Nottie” for 1 year and 3 months— and only because he passed away seven months ago.
—It’s not your fault.
—What?
—It’s not your fault, Jemol.
—What? What you talking about?
—It’s not your fault.
—Yo Mr. Forrester, why you being wack?
—I’m not being “wack” Jemol… It’s not your fault!
*Admittedly, this is so esoteric I doubt more than .01% of the population will get it
Michelle
deleting pages from my dissertation causes me acute physical pain
Shawn [a nurse]
I can manage that.
Michelle
propofol, or a little dilaudid?
Jason
That’s terrible. I feel for you. Those cretins don’t understand that those pages are essential to the purpose (now I think I just may be projecting)…. Maybe, afterwards, you can put out a “Dissertation: Director’s Cut,” including all the deleted pages— and an appendix of zany bloopers.
Michelle
Pages and pages of well-researched yet unnecessary historical context for a minor point: HILARIOUS BLOOPER.
ii.
Jason
”My body thinks I’m a bear. I think I’m a bear. You think I’m a bear. So why am I not a bear?!”
–Sasha
Katya
why would she not be bear?
Jason
I don’t know. You’d have to ask her. I think she’s a bear.
iii.
Jason
The Scorpions canceled their Minsk show
Matthew
I refuse to believe this.
Jason
I know, I know. It’s almost— unbelievable.
Barry
A new Day the Music Died
Jason
Soy tan sexy que mi amor
Barry
This is true.
Jason
soy mucho para Milán, mucho para Milán, New York y Japón
Kat
Hey, don’t you guys rag on The Scorpions! I love them!
iv.
Kat
”No mud, no lotus” –Thich Nhat Hahn
Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana (Half Bound Lotus Forward Bend)
Jason
“No woman, no cry” –Bob Marley
v.
Jason
”Russians are capable of bringing the notion of ‘jutkact’ (kitsch/ gaudiness/ tackiness) to a whole
other level. The level you never thought was possible.” –Sasha
Steven
woah.
Jason
indeed
Matthew
I think I sprained my tongue trying to say “jutkact”
Jason
It’s pronounced ‘zhoot-kuhst’… anyway, you sprain your tongue every month doing something or other
Margot
I’ve been searching for the name of this ever since my first trip to Israel…
Jason
That’s what a Russian would call it… ‘POSH-luhst’ would be translated as ‘kitsch,’ and ‘JHOOT-kuhst’ as the kind of absurd kitsch-gaudiness-tackiness seen in the video… Unfortunately, it’s difficult to approximate the right pronunciation…
Margot
My Russian/Ukranian colleague Dima who sits next to me says you’re wrong, and that jutkact means ‘liquid’. Bentsman are you trying to pull one on us?
Jason
He’s thinking of ‘ZHEET-kast’— which means liquid. ‘ZHEET-kaya’ means liquidy… ‘ZHOOT-kast’ (noun) comes from ‘ZHOOT-kaya’ (adj)— which means basically what I said: extreme kitsch/ tackiness/ gaudiness. Have him check a good Russian dictionary if he doesn’t believe it. (Again, the confusion here is trying to transliterate the Russian sounds in English letters.)
Barry
I’m still waiting to see evidence of a Russian capacity for kitsch/gaudy/tacky exceeding the American.
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