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Best of Facebook (the early days) – VIII. Vignettes

In: Mirth

0 comments

Michelle

deleting pages from my dissertation causes me acute physical pain

 

Shawn [a nurse]

I can manage that.

 

Michelle

propofol, or a little dilaudid?

 

Jason

That’s terrible. I feel for you. Those cretins don’t understand that those pages are essential to the purpose (now I think I just may be projecting)…. Maybe, afterwards, you can put out a “Dissertation: Director’s Cut,” including all the deleted pages— and an appendix of zany bloopers.

 

Michelle

Pages and pages of well-researched yet unnecessary historical context for a minor point: HILARIOUS BLOOPER.

 

 

ii.

 

Jason

‎”My body thinks I’m a bear. I think I’m a bear. You think I’m a bear. So why am I not a bear?!”

–Sasha

 

Katya

why would she not be bear?

 

Jason

I don’t know. You’d have to ask her. I think she’s a bear.

 

 

iii.

 

Jason

The Scorpions canceled their Minsk show

 

Matthew

I refuse to believe this.

 

Jason

I know, I know. It’s almost— unbelievable.

 

Barry

A new Day the Music Died

 

Jason

Soy tan sexy que mi amor

 

Barry

This is true.

 

Jason

soy mucho para Milán, mucho para Milán, New York y Japón

 

Kat

Hey, don’t you guys rag on The Scorpions! I love them!

 

 

iv.

 

Kat

‎”No mud, no lotus” –Thich Nhat Hahn

Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana (Half Bound Lotus Forward Bend)

 

Jason

“No woman, no cry” –Bob Marley

 

 

v.

 

Jason

‎”Russians are capable of bringing the notion of ‘jutkact’ (kitsch/ gaudiness/ tackiness) to a whole

other level. The level you never thought was possible.” –Sasha

 

Steven

woah.

 

Jason

indeed

 

Matthew

I think I sprained my tongue trying to say “jutkact”

 

Jason

It’s pronounced ‘zhoot-kuhst’… anyway, you sprain your tongue every month doing something or other

 

Margot

I’ve been searching for the name of this ever since my first trip to Israel…

 

Jason

That’s what a Russian would call it… ‘POSH-luhst’ would be translated as ‘kitsch,’ and ‘JHOOT-kuhst’ as the kind of absurd kitsch-gaudiness-tackiness seen in the video… Unfortunately, it’s difficult to approximate the right pronunciation…

 

Margot

My Russian/Ukranian colleague Dima who sits next to me says you’re wrong, and that jutkact means ‘liquid’. Bentsman are you trying to pull one on us?

 

Jason

He’s thinking of ‘ZHEET-kast’— which means liquid. ‘ZHEET-kaya’ means liquidy… ‘ZHOOT-kast’ (noun) comes from ‘ZHOOT-kaya’ (adj)— which means basically what I said: extreme kitsch/ tackiness/ gaudiness. Have him check a good Russian dictionary if he doesn’t believe it. (Again, the confusion here is trying to transliterate the Russian sounds in English letters.)

 

Barry

I’m still waiting to see evidence of a Russian capacity for kitsch/gaudy/tacky exceeding the American.

Related posts:

  1. Best of Facebook (the early days) – I. Ribaldry with Michelle G.
  2. Best of Facebook (the early days) – V. The Gmail
  3. Best of Facebook (the early days) – II. Wall to Wall Action
  4. Best of Facebook (the early days) – VII. The Pet Peeve


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Best of Facebook (the early days) – VI. The Dissertation

In: Mirth

0 comments

Michelle

i will pay you 1 million dollars to finish my dissertation for me

 

Autumn

At this rate, I might just have the time! Oh wait. I shouldn’t say that. A bunch of people might kill me. Nevermind. You can keep your 1 million dollars.

 

Jason

I’ll do it for one month’s rent

 

Michelle

autumn, if you are under contract to finish my dissertation i will protect you. and a month’s rent is a serious discount on 1 million dollars. makes me question the quality of your product jason.

 

Shawn

jason, how much is your rent?

 

Jason

two million dollars

 

Teresa [Michelle’s mother]

I’ll do it for free…..but it may not get you your PHD!

 

Jason

There’s the Capitalist system for you. Don’t charge overmuch, give someone a good deal, and they automatically question the quality of your services… Fine, I’ll do it for 1 million five hundred thousand (firm)

 

Teresa

Hey watch it there mister! I said I would do it for free and you are turning it into a bidding war……bring it on….bring it on!

 

Eva

you can do it you can do it!

 

Teresa

Spoken like a true friend!

 

Jason

For 1,500,000, I will get you the PhD. No problem. I’ll also throw in an MA in Computer Science, and a Bachelor’s in underwater basket weaving (a skill currently highly in demand in Denmark).

 

Teresa

me thinks you win! but I don’t like it!

 

Teresa

I think I could use some of that basket weaving….we’ll talk some time

 

Michelle

Product bundling, savvy marketing move. I don’t really need a BA in basket weaving, yet the offer is hard to resist.

 

Jason

Everyone always goes for the basket weaving. Who doesn’t love a handmade basket infused with the timelessness of the ocean?… I will be displaying some of my personal baskets tonight at 9 pm on the Home Shopping Network.

Related posts:

  1. Best of Facebook (the early days) – VIII. Vignettes
  2. Best of Facebook (the early days) – I. Ribaldry with Michelle G.
  3. Best of Facebook (the early days) – IV. Repartee with Barry R.
  4. Best of Facebook (the early days) – II. Wall to Wall Action


♥ Donating = Loving

If you found the above item worthwhile—or get any joy and value from the site—it would be great if you could leave a 'tip'... FWIW takes a lot of time and money to run. Donations from engaged readers are immensely helpful (and indeed indispensable).

 

You could contribute with a modest recurring Monthly Donation of your choice, between a cup of tea and a dinner. (Note: You don’t actually need a PayPal account; just use any credit or debit card and click through.)

Or you can make a One-Time or Recurring donation in Any Amount of your choice:

 

Partial to Bitcoin? You can send to this address: 
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Other cryptocurrencies? Ask for the address

To Occasionally See More Pieces Like This In Your FB Newsfeed  

 

   

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