Hey everyone – Last night I was at a literary reading, and before each reader came up, the host would read their ‘author’s bio’ to the audience. It made me realize that I need one myself. So I’ve been working on one today for a little while. Here’s what I’ve got so far. What do you think? Too modest? Not modest enough? 

  


 

 

Jason Bentsman is a writer of tremendous powers, who suffers from his terrible clarity. He has written 4,387 novels, 1,602 short story collections, 1,072 volumes of poetry, sixteen dozen philosophical treatises, fourscore plays, 132 screenplays (136 of which have been turned into films), over one hundred canonical religious and spiritual texts (six of which have spawned major world religions), 92 historical exegeses, 144 seminal papers on physics (reconciling quantum physics with the standard model), 13 memoirs, 16 cookbooks, 4 dictionaries, an encyclopedia, two love manuals, a Driver’s Education instruction manual, a Unix and Linux System Administration handbook, a pamphlet on holistic menstruation, and a partridge in a pear tree— among countless other works in an unparalleled variety of genres. 

 

Sir Bentsman has received innumerable awards and accolades, far far too numerous to mention here— not only for his writings, but also for his contributions in the areas of music, thespianism, dance, puppetry, commerce, ecology, forestry, philanthropy, aeronautics, neuroscience, internet technology, dentistry, equestrianism, mixology, pickling, pyrotechnics, neo-shamanism, tai chi and mixed martial arts, mysticism, spelunking, geocaching, deep-sea diving, curling, and underwater basket weaving. Some of these include the Nobel Prize (three for literature, and one each for physics, chemistry, economics, and peace), the Oscar (for his riveting performance as Little Angelo in Baz Luhrmann’s remake of Oliver Twist), the Tony, the Grammy, the Fields Medal, the Lasker Award, the Turner Prize, the Stockholm Water Prize, the Pritzker Architecture Prize, and the MTV Moon Man. 

 

He is consummately considered to be extremely important, influential, hip, cutting-edge, renowned, distinguished, and selfless. His writing has been translated into every language in the Universe, and some others. His latest book, “History— Whose Fault Is It?,” is being published in 2015 by Yahweh: the only book since The Bible to be published by God himself. In his spare time, he enjoys romantic candle-lit evenings, long dewy glances, and short walks on the beach. He is also the inventor of the Gluten-free Workout.

 

For more information about Sir Bentsman, please see his 137 page entry on Wikipedia.

 

 

* This internet session might have been recorded for quality assurance purposes.  





Donating = Loving

If you found the above item worthwhile—or get any joy and value from the site—it would be great if you could leave a 'tip'... FWIW takes a lot of time and money to run. Donations from engaged readers are immensely helpful (and indeed indispensable).

 

You could contribute with a modest recurring Monthly Donation of your choice, between a cup of tea and a dinner. (Note: You don’t actually need a PayPal account; just use any credit or debit card and click through.)

Or you can make a One-Time or Recurring donation in Any Amount of your choice:

 

Partial to Bitcoin? You can send to this address: 
341CiB6nQsKYMcYrKcdTQJvrpa2wAx7fmC
Other cryptocurrencies? Ask for the address

To Occasionally See More Pieces Like This In Your FB Newsfeed