For What It's Worth – a literary site

The literary site of Jason Bentsman and Contributors. Entertainment, illumination, edification

Hey everyone – Last night I was at a literary reading, and before each reader came up, the host would read their ‘author’s bio’ to the audience. It made me realize that I need one myself. So I’ve been working on one today for a little while. Here’s what I’ve got so far. What do you think? Too modest? Not modest enough? 

  


 

 

Jason Bentsman is a writer of tremendous powers, who suffers from his terrible clarity. He has written 4,387 novels, 1,602 short story collections, 1,072 volumes of poetry, sixteen dozen philosophical treatises, fourscore plays, 132 screenplays (136 of which have been turned into films), over one hundred canonical religious and spiritual texts (six of which have spawned major world religions), 92 historical exegeses, 144 seminal papers on physics (reconciling quantum physics with the standard model), 13 memoirs, 16 cookbooks, 4 dictionaries, an encyclopedia, two love manuals, a Driver’s Education instruction manual, a Unix and Linux System Administration handbook, a pamphlet on holistic menstruation, and a partridge in a pear tree— among countless other works in an unparalleled variety of genres. 

 

Sir Bentsman has received innumerable awards and accolades, far far too numerous to mention here— not only for his writings, but also for his contributions in the areas of music, thespianism, dance, puppetry, commerce, ecology, forestry, philanthropy, aeronautics, neuroscience, internet technology, dentistry, equestrianism, mixology, pickling, pyrotechnics, neo-shamanism, tai chi and mixed martial arts, mysticism, spelunking, geocaching, deep-sea diving, curling, and underwater basket weaving. Some of these include the Nobel Prize (three for literature, and one each for physics, chemistry, economics, and peace), the Oscar (for his riveting performance as Little Angelo in Baz Luhrmann’s remake of Oliver Twist), the Tony, the Grammy, the Fields Medal, the Lasker Award, the Turner Prize, the Stockholm Water Prize, the Pritzker Architecture Prize, and the MTV Moon Man. 

 

He is consummately considered to be extremely important, influential, hip, cutting-edge, renowned, distinguished, and selfless. His writing has been translated into every language in the Universe, and some others. His latest book, “History— Whose Fault Is It?,” is being published in 2015 by Yahweh: the only book since The Bible to be published by God himself. In his spare time, he enjoys romantic candle-lit evenings, long dewy glances, and short walks on the beach. He is also the inventor of the Gluten-free Workout.

 

For more information about Sir Bentsman, please see his 137 page entry on Wikipedia.

 

 

* This internet session might have been recorded for quality assurance purposes.  



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The Universe is getting off on experiencing itself as me, as you, as the squirrel on the nearby tree, as the nearby tree, as the bacteria on the tree, and as everything supposedly finite and personal.



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All our speculations about ourselves and existence are but smoke on the water.



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Dybbuk Pride

 

#dybbuks

 

 

*

 

Dybbuks have feelings too

 

#dybbukpride

 

 

 

Dybbuks 4 Hire

 

dybbuks4hire.com Call Toll Free @ 1-800-4-DYBBUK

 

#dybbuks #dybbukrights #dybbukmovement



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It is a pleasure bringing you writings and other media through FWIW, but the site takes a lot of time to run (curate, write for, illustrate, code, share, etc)— sometimes a hundred plus hours a month— and incurs considerable costs to sustain. Donations from engaged readers like yourself are indispensable for it to continue running and remain Ad Free... If you derive any joy and value here, please consider becoming a Supporting Regular, with a modest recurring Monthly Donation of your choice, between a cup of tea and a dinner. (Note: You don’t actually need a PayPal account; just use any credit or debit card and click through.)

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When it comes to life, I can safely say that I understand nothing whatsoever. And the older I get, the less I understand. Which is to say, nothing divided by nothing equals nothing. So I continue to understand: nothing whatsoever.



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Donating = Loving

It is a pleasure bringing you writings and other media through FWIW, but the site takes a lot of time to run (curate, write for, illustrate, code, share, etc)— sometimes a hundred plus hours a month— and incurs considerable costs to sustain. Donations from engaged readers like yourself are indispensable for it to continue running and remain Ad Free... If you derive any joy and value here, please consider becoming a Supporting Regular, with a modest recurring Monthly Donation of your choice, between a cup of tea and a dinner. (Note: You don’t actually need a PayPal account; just use any credit or debit card and click through.)

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Poly, gender-queer, feminist robe-bunny glamazon artist into cognitive arousal / dissonance seeking to become a Unicorn in a threesome or triad with cis-gender chubby-bunny fire-twirler burner and tall queer lumberjack with nice beard.



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Hemingway's Guide to Cookery

 

 

XV. Tomatoes

 

You must pick your tomatoes with courage. And if they are true and good tomatoes, they will last a long time.

 

Never refrigerate your tomatoes. Only weak, irresolute men and traitorous women refrigerate their tomatoes.

 

Once when I was fishing by the Irati, Krebs and I spied some wild tomatoes by the riverside. They were green, and ripe, and their stems hung long in the summer wind. They were good tomatoes.

 

‘Let’s pick them,’ I said to Krebs.

 

‘Yes, let’s.’

 

‘Okay. Let’s.’

 

‘Yes. Then let’s.’

 

‘Yes. We will.’

 

‘Yes. Let’s go.’

 

‘Yes.’

 

‘Yes.’

 

That evening we feasted on the skins and inner juices of the tomatoes. Later Bridgette and I made love. But I did not feel devout.

 

 

XVI. Lettuce

 

 

. . . . .

 

 

LXII. Grapefruits

 

One must ask the following questions when picking out a grapefruit. Is it a good grapefruit? Is it a pure grapefruit? Is it a grapefruit worth its own weight? If not, one must leave it behind. Such is the way of things.

 

Do not halve your grapefruit and eat it with a spoon. Only Portuguese prostitutes and child molesters do this. Cut its skin in segments and peel it like a man.

 

It is said that in Rimini the old men chase their vermouth with a slice of grapefruit. I have it on good account this is so. I myself have seen it done only with Pernod. With Pernod grapefruit is crisp and refreshing.

 

I remember when Pedro Romero was gored by the bull. It was the year of the long draught. It was dry three months and then the rains came. They carried Pedro Romero on a great stretcher for miles through the dust and lay his mangled body in the hammock by Papi Yolando’s window. They fed him grapefruit slices, pink as the blood of the bull, for three days and three nights. Pedro Romero could eat only grapefruit slices. He recovered. Later, in the year of the carnival, he took his vengeance on the bull. Later still he met his end at the running of the bulls in Pamplona. But it was no matter. He had been angling for something fierce and drastic. Brett Ashley was no longer in love with him, and all those things had passed. He felt he had nothing more to live for.

 

 

LXIII. Kumquats



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